I often get asked the question: Who should that “trusted confidant” be? To answer that question easily, it can be anybody! Any human being who is breathing and has a pulse will serve the purpose and be able to help you get the job done. If you are comfortable in approaching a stranger to sit and listen to you, then that would work just fine.

Most of us, though will find it difficult to walk up to someone in the mall or an airport and ask them to sit and listen to us for as long as it takes for to confess all of our past mistakes and grievances.

There is a better way. Find someone who you trust. Then ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this person spiritually fit?
• Will they judge you for what you are about to tell them?
• Does anything you have to say involve this person?

Some good choices, I think, are priests, rabbis, ministers or other clergymen and women. Some people have used their doctors, psychologists, personal or business coaches. Try to avoid, if possible using parents, siblings, spouses, and best friends. The title of the person is not so important. What is important is that they help get you through this difficult process, so that you can continue your growth and have a positive impact on everyone around you.

But why do we need to confess to someone else? Why can’t we just go straight to God? That would make things easier and in some circumstances, much less embarrassing. The problem arises, though, in our own human nature. If we choose to skip using another person for this principle, and instead go directly to God, there is a good chance that we will rationalize certain behaviors and attitudes that we need to deal with.

Although sometimes we can’t find someone who will sit and listen to us (the time it takes to do this should be getting shorter if you are practicing the other Fundamentals in this program) we should seek someone. It is ok to occasionally confess to God in quiet, if no one is available, but it should be an exception rather than a rule.

Confessing isn’t always easy. It takes courage, trust, and complete honesty. Without all three of these working together, it is unlikely that the person doing the confessing will be able to practice this fundamental successfully.